Harvey’s Dumbass and the Fag

See those fucking things pictured above.  They are the reason why I hate going to the supermarket or the mall when kids are around.   Roller sneakers, or whatever the fuck kids call them.  They just skate away, they don’t care where other people are, they just skate.  I don’t even blame the kids, I blame the worthless parents that don’t know how to fucking properly take care of kids.  I am able to deal with those stupid fucking sneakers that light up but fuck this shit.  My kids will never get such a thing.  If they want to skate, i’ll buy them some inline skates.  I want these parents kids to fucking crack their fucking heads open so they fucking stop using these things.  Bans these fucking things already. 

NJ, must have the most cover bands ever.  Apparently, the prerequisite to be a cover band in NJ is to fucking play at least 2 Bon Jovi songs each night.  That could drive a man to drink.  It’s the only way I can tolerate these bands.  Why can’t I go to a bar in NJ and not hear Bon Jovi.  Just 1 night without Bon Jovi would be fantastic.  Does this happen in other state, I think the fuck not.  Should I blame the Jukebox, the coverband?  No, I fucking blame Bon Jovi.  Yes, Jon.  I blame you for the possible failure of my liver.  I have to drink so much that your songs sound good.  I drink so much that I wake up singing your songs against my will.  FUCK YOU MR BON JOVI for ruining the NJ night life. 

I decided I needed to stop eating fast food last week.  It’s just too evil.  Should I go cold turkey?  Fuck no, I needed to do a week of binging on my favorite fast food.  Monday was Taco Bell & Chick-Fil-A,  Tuesday was KFC and McDonalds.  Wednesday was Wendys.  At Wendys I had to try their special burger called the “Baconator”.  The Baconator almost did me in, I felt like my arterys were  clogging.  I survived  that to make it to White Castle on Thursday which completed my fast food binge.  Unfortunately, in the New Jersey we don’t have Jack In The Box so when I travel, I must have that once more.   

You fuckers in California (West Coast) are probably wondering why I didn’t mention your precious In & Out Burger.  Because that place can suck my fucking cock.  I went to that shit twice.  I tried it once, and figured I’d even give it a second chance.  Well, first time, I had to wait 15 minutes to fucking place my order and receive it.  Same thing the 2nd time.    Then less than 15 minutes after eating it, it had to make its way out.  I guess that’s why they call it In & Out Burger.  It goes in as fast as it comes out. 

People are like, the place rules because the menu is simple and they make their own fresh fries.  Fuck your fresh fries.  They aren’t even fucking good.  They didn’t invent fresh fries at a fast food restaurant.  Most Nathans do fresh fries too, you cocksuckers and they are much fucking better.  Your burgers are hockey pucks too, so fuck your burgers too.    Jack in the box pisses on this place. 

I might of liked this movie in 1985.  Yes, in the 1st grade play I was Megatron.  It involved me in lots of silver foil and remembering my line.  Which somehow was tough for me back in 1st grade. “I AM MEGATRON, ZOOM ZOOM ZAP”  I said in my best robot voice impression.   What fun!   Now, lets fast forward. 

It is now 2007.  22 years late motherfuckers.  To be perfectly honest, the movie was somewhat watchable but let’s get to the main thing that drove me fucking crazy.  Apparently, whoever casted this movie felt really really bad they didn’t have a black character.  They could of made the main character a black guy and that would of been ok. But no, these geniuses decided to force a black character in the movie that really served no purpose.  Anthony Motherfucking Anderson, who is supposed to be some amazing hacker.  Hollywood always has to add a black character in for some extra comic relief.  They did the same fucking thing to Resident Evil 2, which totally fucking made me hate that movie.  I was going to end this review with a stupid pun to do with the ”More than meets the eye” slogan, but fucking Joel Siegel is dead and he was much better at writing puns.  Anyway, fuck you Michael Bay.

Here is the stupidest news story of the day.  Someone sent photos of Miss New Jersey partying to pageant officials.  Apparently Miss New Jersey probably didn’t want to suck some friends cock that took the photos and he sent them in because he was jealous.  But that’s my take on it.  They actually had to waste time to have a hearing to decide whether she can be in the pageant.    What a bunch of stupid fucks, you can probably go on MYSPACE and find photos like this for every contestant.  This shouldn’t be news.   She’s a hot 20 something year old.  Guess what 21 year old hot girls do?   They drink, act stupid, and fuck some assholes.  She might of well had photos of her getting tag teamed, because there’s no way she gets past the first round in Miss America now.  Anyway, I’m going to see if she’s on Myspace so I can be her friend.  Us people from New Jersey need to stick together and stay strong!

I  went to see the movie with my wife and from the beginning I knew I was going to like it just from the opening song.   Any movie that opens up with the late great ODB singing “OH BABY I LIKE IT RAW” is a-ok in my book.  The movie is funny but one fucking thing bugged me twice in the fucking movie.  That stupid  blonde cunt from Grey’s Anatomy was in it.   She was in 2 sex scenes, and in both scenes she was fucking in her bra.  Ok, 1 time with the bra on I would accept, but twice.  How many people fuck with the bra on?  Guys like some fucking titties in the face when having some vagina, it’s a pure fucking fact.  Not only does this talentless bitch refuse to show some titties,  she expects Grey’s Anatomy to give her some huge fucking raise cause she was in a movie that grossed 100 millon dollars.  Fuck you, you will never be in a movie that will gross 100 million dollars again.  Actually, she may be if they make a movie called “KNOCKED UP AGAIN”….oh well.  Anyway, go see the movie and stare at her black bra instead of her titties!

Years ago, I accidentally saw Oceans 11, and it was actually enjoyable except for that Julia Roberts had to be in it. It’s bad enough she was in it, but apparently George Clooney is supposed to find her attractive and actually want to fuck her. He isn’t that good enough of an actor to make me believe that. Anyway back to Oceans 13. Yeah, that nasty cunt isn’t it which is a bonus! So if you liked Oceans 11, you will like Oceans 13 because it is the same type of movie without that horse face. Ellen Barkin was the only female role in Oceans 13.  She is about 13 years older then Julia Roberts and 100% more fuckable. God know what will happen to Julia Roberts face ind 13 years from now. God help us. People have been telling her for years what a natural beauty she is over and over, plaese fucking stop. Anyway, yeah they try to rip off some asshole that runs a casino (Al Pacino) that’s the general plot. Thank you and go see Oceans 13!

Yes, I’d rather fuck the 53 year old!

All I’ve heard on the news the last few weeks was where were you when she died.   Everyones answer should of been “Who the fuck cares”.  Does her being a princess mean anything to us in the US?  Hell she really doesn’t mean much anywhere.  If England wants to care, that’s fine with me but that’s it.  I know on August 30th, I will not be watching the news to see this memorial bullshit. I hope this shit doesn’t continue every 10 years.  Prince Harry and William were trying to get the crash film to be banned or some shit recently.  Hell that would of at least been entertaining.  I would of made some popcorn and sat down for that.  Anyway, fuck them.  I’d rather mourn some dead crackwhore, because that’s how much Princess Diana means to me.